I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
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Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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