He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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