So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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