Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
