afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
