and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
