did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
