If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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