The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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