with your own penis?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
