What did we do last night that was yellow?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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