A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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