Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
