Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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