drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
