is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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