It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
