im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
