it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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