3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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