she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
