i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
