so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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