Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
