he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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