we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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