when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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