Swine flu. Run for my life!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
