Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it glows. i had to have it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
