So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
