Im at strip club and am horny
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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