I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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