cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I love you. Go after that dick
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
