Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
