There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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