I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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