I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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