Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
