Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
