Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
