All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
