I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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