It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
