just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
