Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
