So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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