Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
