Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
