a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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