I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
