tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
