I met the friendliest cop last night
Four minutes until I can fart!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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