Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
