I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
