She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
