i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
