I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
