And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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