Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
being pregnant is like rehab
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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