I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
