4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
