a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
