I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
