he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
