don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
