i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
