worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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