he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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