you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
