Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
