Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
