you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
