i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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