Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
