I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
