I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
